Throughout my life I've always heard that you go through things and maybe something good will come out of it, like being able to help someone else go through the same thing. Well, I thought it would be a while before that happened. However, one of my dear friends is having to start on her own journey through the pain. Her mom has been diagnosed with bc (I can't even type it out or give it proper capitalization because it doesn't deserve it!). cancer - YOU SUCK!
While talking to her today I got really emotional. The feelings are so raw. It seems that because mom is on her way to the finish line of the treatments, I've pushed the memories far back. Well, they came flooding back today. Actually, this was a good thing. It made me go back and read the journal and made me have a renewed sense of appreciation for all mom went through and still has to go through.
She's still not 100% but she's a lot better. I know some women don't come out of it well, or even at all. She's one of the blessed ones.
She still has anxiety, hot flashes, pain, fatigue, and some other effects of the ordeal, but... she loves life even more.
Here's a recent picture of a picnic at the park. She didn't need to wear the hat for her hair... she wore it because it was cute on her!
Mom goes to get her "muga" scan a couple times during her treatment. It tells how her heart functions and if they need to stop the herception infusions. She really doesn't like them. Not because they're tough on her, but just the procedure and such.
I'm tired of this crap. She's tired of it even more, but geez. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful we live in a day and age (and city) that has these kinds of advancements, but still. I wish someone would find the cure for it soon. I don't want people to have to go through this at all.
I get nervous sometimes that I'll be getting it. I mean, mom's is due to taking hormone replacement therapy pills, but you never know.
I saw men in the cancer center when I would wait for mom. They probably has prostate cancer or colon cancer or something. I also saw many, many women in various stages of treatment. The despair and look of hopelessness is stifling. There is such a heaviness in that place. No matter how they try to decorate or make things comfortable, it's still a pissy way to spend your days.
I'm glad they're trying different things all the time to try to help their patients though. The support group seems to be one thing that is good.
The American Cancer Society was not really helpful. You have to qualify to be helped by them. I thought having cancer qualified you, but it's also your income and such. That's crap. People barely above poverty (but still broke) get cancer too. Ah, well, I digress.
ANYWAY, back to the scan... I'm glad they're watching her. I guess it's a good thing. I hope this damn thing doesn't hurt any other part of her body.
Mom went to someone at a beauty salon to see if they could do something with the small amount of hair she has. Pretty much she just paid them for putting gel in her hair. I don't think they should have charged her the regular price for that, but they have to make money somehow.
I'm pretty pissed at her doctors right now. Is her heart function good enough or not? They say as long as it's 50% or above, it's "fine". What organ do YOU want functioning at half it's normal ability? The cardiologist says that he really can't do anything unless it goes below that and then, "You become MY patient." Oh how thoughtful, you jerk. It was just HOW he said it anyway.
Mom's doing well. She had another herceptin injection/infusion last week. I thought it would affect her more, but besides sleeping, not much was different.
She has been sleeping a lot more anyway, so I don't know if that's different or because of the medicine.
She looks good. She certainly doesn't smell like the icky medicine anymore. Her hair is growing back. (I should get a picture) And she smiles a lot more. But it still doesn't seem like something is "right". I don't know if it's depression, effects of the medicine, or what, but she's not as "peppy". Maybe when the weather is better we'll go for more walks and she'll feel better about herself. She says she wants to get back in shape. I could go for that too!
Well, since they stopped the herceptin she's had a few appointments since then. Essentially the docs wanted to know if her heart function was ok enough to continue with the treatment. The decision is yes. She's relieved. I guess I should be too. The month and a half of no trips to the hospital and time at home sick was just so nice. I hope she finally gets finished with all this and is free to do whatever she wants without thinking about her appointments.
On another note, she and her friend were together for a week. She misses having friends. I mean, since we've moved here she's really not gotten connected with anyone. But when R was here, they "played" a lot! Especially at the park. She said she wanted to take my kiddo there, but in reality, she and her friend went off on their own and enjoyed themselves a lot! She remembered just how much she likes to walk briskly and get going, as she says. I'm glad she's starting the class as the hospital gym soon. She will enjoy that. :)
Today is New Years Eve. It's been a long, long year. Stress does not suit me well.
Mom's doing ok. She's growing back her hair. A couple nails are ready to fall off from the herceptin injections, and her heart output is lower. I guess unless it gets lower than 50%, it's ok. Still makes me nervous.
2010 better be better. I can't take this anymore. I love her and want to keep her around for a long time comin'.
I don't really write on here that much because the stressful part of all this is pretty much done. I still worry about re-occurrence, but I can't focus on that solely. Mom's hair is getting "longer" by the day it seems. It's still VERY short, but there's finally something to brush through! It's much softer to use my toddler son's brush so I let her borrow it. Her scalp needs stimulating, but it's still sensitive. These days she doesn't walk around with her head covered. She's feeling better about herself, I guess. We're going to have company soon and I doubt she's going to wander around here without at least something on. The herceptin shots still give her a "down" day, but she's managing. They changed the chemistry of it so let's hope it's still effective!
